Accidental
by ll.Jamaican.Hunny.ll
Summary: Johnny's dead and that leaves his sister Janice Cade to take every last beating from their father alone. When she meet's Johnny's old friends she finds things she's never felt before towards anyone but her brother. Friendship. Trust. And...Love?
1. Chapter 1

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**DISCLAIMER:** As you all already know...I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS!

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Janice Cade is what they named me, but "The Girl" is what they called me. By "They" I mean, my parents. They didn't allow me to do much of anything. I went to school, I came home from school, I did my homework, I took a few hits from dad, occasionally stole some alcohol for mom when she didn't feel like going to the store, took a few more hits from dad, and before he died, I would go to my brother Johnny's room and talk to him. It used to be that my old man would take out half his anger on Johnny, and half of it out on me. Now that Johnny's gone though, it's all on me.

"Janice! Get your lazy ass down here now! Before you make us late!" My dad called to me.

I put in the black hair clip that Johnny had one year managed to scrape together enough money to buy me, then hurried down stairs. Dad shoved me roughly towards the front door the second I stepped off the last stair. I pulled open the door and stepped outside into the fresh air. The sun was shining brightly and the grass was green. and brown. Squirrels scurried up and down the dying tree next to the house. Outside the house, we looked like any other Greaser family. Inside, we were like some, but not most. The bottom of my black dress swayed around my legs as the wind blew softly before I climbed into our car. It was old and rusted, but at least it ran.

Several minutes later we arrived at the grave yard. I didn't expect anyone to be there besides us and the priest. It wasn't anything close to what I had expected. There were lots of people there, most of them looked like Socs. I'm guessing they were relatives of the children he had saved from that burning church. Who ever would have thought that my big brother would end up being so brave? A bit of pride mixed in with the lump in my throat that my tears was bringing. A group of boys stood near the grave dressed in old looking suits. There were five of them in all. She made eye contact with the smallest one accidentally and quickly looked away. The priest began to speak.

"And now," said the priest ten minutes later, "Johnny's sister, Janice Cade, has asked me if she could now sing a song she has written in his memory."

I avoided looking at my dad who I knew was glaring at me, because he had forbid me from singing at any point in time. He just hated the fact that I was actually good at something. I took the priest's spot near the grave and began to sing.

"You're were my, best friend…You helped me through, the good and the bad…You were my, best friend…Helped me through when I was sad. And now you're gone…Here no more. I wish that I had said this…More often before. Big brother I love you…I need your strength to survive. Big brother I love you…Wish I had said it when you were alive. And so I take this time…To realize…To say goodbye…For Now…" I sang smoothly

I looked at my parents to see my mother hastily wiping her eyes, but my father standing there, anger in his eyes as he glared at me. I looked over to the group of boys and saw tears on their cheeks. It was just then that I realized my own cheeks were wet. I wiped away a few of the fallen tears and slowly walked back over to my parents. My dad placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed tightly. It hurt badly but I didn't wince for fear somebody would notice. I was sure that the hurt could be seen in my eyes though, so I looked down at the ground. It was a few moments later that I heard somebody speaking to me.

"Um…Janice, is it?" they asked.  
"Yes?" I asked as I looked up at the smallest boy from the group of boys I had looked at earlier standing next to me.  
"I- I'm Ponyboy. Ponyboy Curtis. I was real good friends with your brother, I was-"  
"You went to Windrexvil with him. And you helped him save those kids." I said, "You were his best friend. It's nice to finally meet you, I just wish it wasn't…well at his funeral."  
"Yeah…how did you know that we were best friends?" Ponyboy asked  
"He told me so. He talked about his friends all the time. He talked about you second most. He talked about some Dally boy most. Is Dally one of those boys over there? I've always wanted to meet him…the way Johnny described him he seems…wow." I replied.

Ponyboy looked down at the ground then said,

"Dally died. When Johnny died…he couldn't take it I guess. He went and got himself shot by the cops."  
"Oh my- I…I'm sorry." I stuttered.  
"Ponyboy, come on. It's time to go." said a man who approached him.  
"Darry, this is Johnny's sister. Janice." Ponyboy said.

The man, Darry, looked down at me. A soft smile suddenly slid onto his hard face.

"Why…you look just like him, except you're a girl. Hey, you guys!" Darry called over his shoulder to the rest of the group of boys "Come here."

The group walked over to the three of them and I looked over my shoulder at my father who was looking on disapprovingly.

"I have to get going now, I think…" I said.  
"Wait." Ponyboy said "I just want you to meet the rest of Johnny's friends."

I glanced at my dad once more then turned towards the guys who were now standing in front of me.

"This is Sodapop." Ponyboy introduced a particularly handsome boy, "This is Steve." he pointed to the boy next to Sodapop. "And this is Two-Bit."  
"It's nice to meet you all." I said, "But really, I have to go now."  
"Bye." All of the guys chorused.

I gave them a weak smile then turned towards me parents, and we left.


	2. Chapter 2

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**DISCLAIMER:** I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS!

DUH!

hehehe...on with the story...

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My father slammed the door so hard once we had all stepped into the house, that the picture on the wall of my parents shook and threatened to fall.

"What the hell were you thinking?!?" my dad boomed, "Going up there and making a fool out of yourself like that!"

" I was thinking that Johnny would have like it." I did the stupidest thing I could have and spoke back.

Dad glared as he advanced towards me.

"Johnny would have like it? Johnny would have liked it?" he asked, his tone cold and threatening, "News flash Baby-Cakes! Johnny's dead! Nobody cares what he liked or didn't like anymore!"

"You may not, but I do! Just because you didn't love your own son doesn't mean I didn't love my brother! Johnny _would_ have like it! I know he would have and that's all I care about!"

Everything was dead silent as I stood glaring at my father and my parents stared at me, shocked. That was the first time they had ever heard me raise my voice. Sometimes I was so quiet I wondered if they were sure what my voice even sounded like. It was stupid, to have had an outburst like that, but I couldn't stand hearing my father talk that way about Johnny. His own son. His own, dead son, and he didn't even care. I was far past angry…I was flat out pissed off. My glare intensified for a moment just before I turned on my heels, opened the door, then slammed it shut behind me. I was starting down the sidewalk when the door to my house opened once more.

"You get back here!" my dad yelled after me.

"Screw you!" I shouted back then took off at a run

"You just wait! You'll have to come back sometime! And when you do I swear on my life I'll kill you, you worthless bitch!"

It would be surprising for me to find out that nobody had heard that outburst, because I know people had. The whole neighborhood must have heard it. But this was a mind-your-own-business-and-nobody-gets-hurt type of place. Nobody cared about who lived or died in my neighborhood, they just went about their own business and struggled through their own problems. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I started sprinting away from my house. I didn't know where I was going to go, and I didn't know how long it would take to get there. I just knew that I wanted to get away from my father, and my mother too for that matter. My mother had never hit me, but she was just as bad as my father. She would just stand there, watching. She never made a single movement or statement that even suggested that she wanted to protect me. She didn't care. She just drank her vodka and let it all happen. I wanted to fight back when he beat me, but I learned a while ago that fighting back would only make things worse. I shook my head vigorously as the images from the previous night flooded through my mind. The tears fell harder yet as I tried to shake off the image.

* * *

"Janice!" my father's slurred drunken words reached my ears as I sat up in the attic room writing in a notebook.

Momentarily I considered ignoring him and praying that he went away, but I knew that would never work. With shaking hands I set down the notebook and the pen I was holding then stood up from my bed. I stopped at my door and let my hand hover over the doorknob momentarily as I contemplated jumping out the window. It was only the third floor. Shoot, if I got luckily I would land on my head and snap my neck. I sighed as I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

"Janice!" my father called for the second time as I began down the stairs.

I paused on the last step and once again the thought of jumping out my bedroom window crossed my mind, but aside from my thoughts, I made myself walk down the last step and into the living room.

"Yes sir?" I said quietly.

"Yes sir? Is that all you have to say?" my father asked, "I've been thinking. I think…that you should show a- a bit more appreciation towards me. I give you a home to live in, clothes to wear, food to eat. And do I ever get a thank you?"

"Sorry sir." I said.

I knew he must have been thinking as hard as he could in his drunken state for a reason to hit me. He always had a reason. No matter how stupid and how little sense it made, he had a reason. My father spent his times searching for excuses to beat the shit out of me.

"No you're not. You're just a little liar!" He boomed just before his open palm connected with my cheek and forced my head to turn to the side.

I left my face the way it was after he hit me. I didn't want to look at him, I couldn't. This man was my father, but he kept hurting me. He was just sick, mentally sick. As soon as the illness in his mind passed we would be able to be normal, and my mom would quit drinking.

I always tried to convince myself of this. Convince myself that things would get better, but they wouldn't, and I knew it. I couldn't help but wish though. A hard punch to the side of the face sent me stumbling backwards and snapped me back to reality.

And so it began. All over again.

* * *

I wiped my eyes quickly as I continued down the street. The park soon came up on my right as the sun began to set. I walked slowly to the monkey bars then jumped and grabbed the bar. I used all my strength to pull myself up and sit on the bars. I was a bit out of breath when I finally managed to get on top of the bars. Father had grounded me from eating for a few days because I accidentally broke a glass cup I was washing. Needless to say between that and the beatings, I was weak. As my breathing began to steady I stared at the sun that was sinking below the horizon as the sky was painted yellow, orange, and pink. Eventually though, those colors disappeared and were replaced by the black sky and stars that shone brightly around the large glowing moon. I sighed as I laid back so my body was spread across the bars. This was actually pretty comfortable…as long as I didn't fall through…

Slowly I felt my eyes starting to close as a cool breeze swept past me and the caused the park trees to rustle. Everything was so quiet, I could have sworn I heard the water in the fountain moving around. Suddenly there was another noise though. It wasn't natural like the trees and the breeze. It was loud, roaring, a car engine. I froze up and it seemed as if my heart was about to rip through my chest. It was my father, I knew it was. He had come to look for me. When he found me he would beat me again. He would pull me from the monkey bars, slam me against the ground, try to drown me in the fountain. Quickly I sat up as the headlights came into view in the parking lot of. I scrambled down from the monkey bars, stumbling momentarily when my feet hit the ground. I hurried to a bush near by and practically dived behind it.

"Two-bit, come on. Why are we here?" said a familiar voice, "Let's just go home before they catch up."

"No Pony. Let 'em catch up. I don't care. That stupid drunk soc hit me because I accidentally bumped into him, so I did what I had to do and hit him back. If he was brave enough to give me a sucker punch and follow me into greaser territory, he should be brave enough to take me on, one-on-one." said a second voice who was obviously Two-bit

"Two-bit. Really, you're gonna get us killed." said a third voice that I didn't recognize.

"It's just one guy." Two-bit replied stubbornly.

The voices were growing close. I peeked around the bush and by the dim light from the lamp posts I could see Two-bit, Ponyboy, and Sodapop walking towards the fountain. It wasn't my father, I knew that now. But I couldn't stop my heart from beating rapidly as I watched Ponyboy sit on the edge of the fountain and stare into it. He dipped his hand in then pulled it out again.

"You okay Pony?" Sodapop asked.

"Huh? Yeah, I- I'm fine." Ponyboy replied.

"You ain't gonna cry again are you?" Sodapop asked.

"N- Naw, I ain't gonna cry." Ponyboy replied, although his voice sounded like he was going to.

"Come on Pony, don't cry." said Two-bit.

"I said I'm not gonna!" Ponyboy snapped, " It's just…Johnny. This is where it all started. I haven't been here since he died." There was a splash as he slammed his hand against the water, "I want them socs to come here tonight! I want them to just slit my throat and get it over with. I can't take this much more! Darry's been workin' double time to pay for those hospitals bills from me, you're always depressed actin' cuz sandy left. And ever since Johnny's funeral I've been thinking' about his sister! I know her old man hits her, just like he did Johnny. Did you see her? Did you see how scared she was to talk to us? And how…fragile she looked? I just-"

"Hey, grease!" a voice said loudly.

I had been so absorbed in Ponyboy's rant that I hadn't even noticed the car filled with four socs pull up. The rest of them hadn't noticed either.

"Go away Randy!" Ponyboy said, "You punched him, he punched you. You two are even."

"No…I don't suppose we are." said somebody, obviously drunk.

Just their slurred speech was enough to remind me of father. I tried to get the memories to go away, but just like earlier, they wouldn't. They just wouldn't! I began to shake my head again, but immediately my vigorous moving caused the bush to move, and everything went silent.

I held my breath and listened as well as I could with my heart sounding like it was pounding right into my ears. I let out a scream as I felt somebody grab the back of my shirt. I began to thrash around as my mind flashed back to a night when I was eight.

* * *

"Goodnight." I said to Johnny as I walked to his door.

"Goodnight sis. I love you." Johnny replied.

I smiled at him then slipped out of the room. Slowly I began to creep down the hallway.

"Why aren't you in bed?" my father's voice boomed.

What I should have done was just stand there, but what I did was take off at a fast run. I ran down the stairs, almost tripping, through the living room., and into the kitchen. I looked around for a hiding place, and only saw one. I could hear footsteps on the stairs above my heavy breathing as I dashed to the kitchen sink. I pulled open the cabinet underneath and climbed in, then shut the cabinet door. I sat facing the back of the cabinet with my legs scrunched up to my chest as I tried to listen for my father's footsteps. I couldn't hear them over my breathing. Suddenly light shone in as the cabinet door was reopened, and I let out a scream as my father grabbed the back of my shirt.

"Why the hell did you run from me?!? Are you completely stupid?!?" father boomed

"I'm sorry dad!" I exclaimed, "I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, you will be."

* * *

"Well, Well, Well. Looks like we've got a little greaser girl hiding from us boys." said the boy who had been speaking to Ponyboy, "She's a pretty little thing. We could have some fun with her."

"Let me go!" I screamed.

"I don't think I will." said the boy as he pulled me from behind the bush.

"Janice!" Ponyboy exclaimed when he saw me.

"Oh? You know her?" the boy asked, "Well then this really will be fun."

I knew they planned to hurt me, that much was obvious. It was at that point that I fell into some sort of…episode. I could hear them, but everybody sounded distant. What I could hear clearly was my screams as my father pulled me from the cabinet. The slight joy in his voice as he yelled at me. But most of all, I could hear Johnny shouting my name after having heard the commotion and come downstairs. I couldn't help myself as I screamed and thrashed and begged for my father to stop, although he wasn't there. My eyes were squeezed shut tight as my arms and legs seemed to spasm.

"Stop it! Please!" I pleaded, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Johnny help! Help!"

"What the-" I could hear the boy's voice distantly.

"She's having some sort of episode or something." Sodapop said and I felt myself being let go of.

"Well…make her stop. She's creeping me out." said the boy.

"Yes, let us wave our magic wands and get her to stop." Two-bit's voice sneered.

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I jerked around and clawed at the person holding me.

"No! No! No!" I shrieked, "Johnny! Help! Please!"

"Shh…" I heard somebody say as the memory voices began to fade, "Shh…Janice."

Hearing my own name snapped me completely out of my episode. I was shaky and my mind seemed to be blank.

"Johnny!" I gasped as my eyes snapped open and I looked up at Ponyboy, "Johnny, where's Johnny?"

I wasn't thinking. I couldn't think. It was like I thought I was still eight. Ponyboy didn't answer, and slowly I remembered. Tears spilled from my eyes as I threw myself forwards and cried into Ponyboy's chest.

What was happening to me?


	3. Chapter 3

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**DISCLAIMER:** Ownership of Outsiders NOT ME!

Janice is mine though!

Get over it.

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I felt Ponyboy's hand slowly sliding up and down my back as he whispered "Shh…It's okay." repeatedly. 

"We'll deal with you later greasers. You just take care of your basket case." the boy said then started towards his car as him and his friends laughed hysterically.

"Shut up Randy!" Ponyboy exclaimed, his voice surprisingly angry

The laughter of the soc boys stopped as they turned and Randy approached Ponyboy. Ponyboy let go of me carefully and I sat up as he stood up from his seat on the ground.

"You gonna make me?…Grease." Randy asked.

With a sudden shout of anger Ponyboy shot towards Randy, tackling him to the ground. He drew his arm backwards then forcefully threw it forwards and it hit Randy's face.

"You think you're so great with your stupid clothes and your stupid jackets?!?" Ponyboy was still yelling, "I thought you didn't want to fight! Remember that talk we had! You're no better than Bob was anyways! I'm glad he's dead, and I hope you die to! It's your fault Johnny's dead! You and Bob! If it weren't for you nothing would have happened!" In between each phrase Ponyboy punched Randy.

One of the other socs grabbed Ponyboy and threw him off of his buddy then the others joined in in kicking him. Two-bit and Sodapop were quick into action as they hurried to the fight and jumped in. Throwing people off Ponyboy as quickly as they could. I wanted to help, I wanted to jump in and beat the living daylights out of Randy for calling me a basket case, but I couldn't. Aside from the fact that my hands were shaking so bad I didn't think I could make a fist, I had gone all my life taking punches, not giving them. I wasn't even sure if I knew _how_ to fight.

* * *

"Janice, run into the kitchen and get me more ice." Darry said. 

I nodded my head and obeyed. I hurried to the kitchen and grabbed an ice tray from the freezer then went back into the living room. I handed Darry the ice tray and he removed the bag of melting ice from Sodapop's cheek and put some new ice in it. I did the same with the ice bag on Ponyboy's eye.

"The swelling is down, but you're gonna have a black eye for at least a week." I said.

"I think my jaw is broken." Two-bit said.

"Then how are you talking?" I asked.

Two-bit fell silent. I laughed a bit as I walked over to him. I placed my hand on his jaw and he winced a bit. I didn't bother to think about that though, but continued to examine his mouth.

"It's not broken. " I said, "It'll be sore for a few days though. Put ice in your mouth tomorrow morning, that should help the pain that you'll probably have in your teeth. the first morning with it is the worst, trust me. Though, I do have to give you credit for taking that punch and not getting knocked out. It looked like that kid hit pretty hard, plus he had on rings…" I said then walked to Sodapop, "Your cheek is fine the pain will probably be gone in a few hours and that's it for all of you, aside from Ponyboy."

"What? What about me?" Ponyboy asked.

"I should probably have a look at your ribs and stuff, it looked like they were kicking pretty hard." I explained.

"Janice, if you wanna get my little bro out of his clothes, all you have to do is ask." Sodapop joked.

I blushed as Ponyboy reached over and hit Soda's arm. Soda responded by hitting Ponyboy's stomach.

"Ah!" Ponyboy exclaimed as he leaned forwards a bit.

I quickly turned towards him and removed his hands from his stomach. I lifted up his shirt and was surprised by how bruised up he was. Quickly I reached up and grabbed the ice he was holding to his eye. There was one particularly nasty bruise on his side. It purple with a tint of green. Most girls would have scrunched up their noses and acted disgusted but it wasn't the first time I had seen a bad bruise. I pressed the ice against it. Ponyboy immediately winced away from me and sucked in air through clenched teeth.

"Hold still." I snapped.

"You're pressing too hard." Ponyboy complained.

"Then stop moving." I replied.

"Yes mother. " Two-bit cut into our conversation, his voice impersonating a young child.

I rolled my eyes as I continued to hold the ice against the bruise which was located just below Ponyboy's ribs.

**

* * *

**

"Well," I said three hours later as Sodapop slept soundly on the couch, Two-bit was leaned back, asleep in a chair, and Darry snored soundly in his room, "I better get goin'."

I began to stand up, but Ponyboy suddenly placed his hand on my shoulder, pushing me down. I winced slightly as he pressed on a bruise I had received from my father the previous night. Ponyboy didn't seem to notice though. I returned to my seat and he looked into my eyes.

"You don't have to go." he said.

"I have to…my parents will…will um…worry." I lied.

"No they won't." Ponyboy said, surprising me.

"W- What? Why would you say that?" my voice had begun to shake because of the truth that lay behind Ponyboy's words. I wasn't going to cry though. Not in front of him.

"They won't care. They didn't care when Johnny came home. So…the only thing that will come from you going home is you getting hit."

"Hit? I don't get hit. They don't hit me."

That was true. _They_ didn't hit me. Only my father did, mom just watched.

"You don't have to lie." Ponyboy said, his voice assuring, "I know they do. They did it to Johnny too. And you acted so scared of them at the funeral…"

"You just shut up right now Ponyboy Curtis!" I exclaimed, causing Two-bit and Sodapop to awaken slightly, "You don't know anything so don't go on actin' like you do! I don't know how you think you can go on talkin' like you actually know me! Because you don't Ponyboy! You don't know anything! Why do you even care?!? We _just_ met today and all of the sudden you're standin' up for me and…and tryin' to protect me and stuff! What kind of a freak are you?!?"

By this point in time Sodapop and Two-bit were fully awake, and Darry had come from his room.

"What the devil is goin' on?" Darry asked.

"Nothing." I said, my voice dangerous.

I then turned and walked out of the house. I trudged down the street, anger pulsing though me as I kicked at the chunks of cement that had come loose from sidewalk. Stupid Ponyboy. What did he think gave him the write to accuse my parents of hitting me? It wasn't like it was obvious or anything. I'm pretty sure not many others had figured it out. How had he? Johnny had probably told him, they had been best friends, I knew that. Johnny used to talk about him a lot.

* * *

"Where are you goin?" I asked my older brother as he pulled on his sneakers.

"I'm meetin' Ponyboy and Dally at the drive-in.." Johnny explained.

"…can I come?" I asked.

I asked this every time, and always got the same answer. I only continued to ask because I hoped that one day I would get to go with him, and we would never have to go back. I knew that day would never come though. Often times I would wonder how it was that I had so many wishes that went against the knowledge I possessed, but still I managed to cling to these wishes. How was it, that no matter how impossible I knew my dreams were, I still kept dreaming. It was stupidity, that would be father's explanation, and he was right. It was stupidity. I was just stupid.

"I'm sorry Janice. You can't. You know what Pop would do to us if he found out I took you out with me. He'd skin us both alive…literally." Johnny said as he gave me a sad look and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I know." I replied as I stared downwards at my feet. I did know. He would literally skin us alive if he had the chance, just to be able to see us suffer. "He'd probably throw salt at us too." I muttered.

Johnny laughed softly at what I supposed he thought was a joke, "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay."

"And stay safe. I'll be home before one. I promise."

I nodded, then Johnny walked out the front door.

At three o'clock that morning I sat there, my arms wrapped around my legs as my knees pressed against my chest. Where was Johnny? He hadn't come home yet. I was scared, what if something had happened to him? What if something happened to me? I should have been able to handle myself by then, I was fourteen for crying out loud! But still, having my big brother around comforted me more than anything else, and I was worried about him. There was a loud knock on the door and I pressed my back harder against the wall as if maybe I would somehow slide right through it. I didn't though, and suddenly my door was busted open. I could immediately smell the alcohol on my father as he stumbled into my room.

"Where's…where's that no good brother of yours?" he asked, " I need to have a talk with him…"

"He went out with his friends." I replied quietly as my dad sat down on my bed.

"Oh really? Well then, when he gets home tell him I said…" his hand swung and I felt his knuckle hit my cheek "You were nothing but an accident. Both of you. I told your mother to get an abortion but she just wouldn't listen.

I had let out a shriek of pain and fell to the side as my arms left my legs and flew to my face to protect me from any other blows that may be headed my way. There were no more though as I listened to my father ramble on about how I wasn't supposed to happen, about how he had never wanted me. How I was just an accident. Suddenly I felt the bed shift as my father stood up then walked out of the room.

The next day, Johnny still hadn't come home.

The day after that, he was still gone.

The third day, there still was no sign of Johnny.

Long story short, I never saw my brother again. At least, not alive.

* * *

I was crying hysterically by the time I finally reached the park. My hands were shaking violently as I collapsed a ways away from the fountain. Even with my shaking hands I could feel the lump under the earth beneath my hand. Aside from my slight hysteria I dug my fingers into the soft soil and pulled it up. I repeated this until I found what was causing the lump in the soil and pulled it up. I almost screamed at what I saw. I held it gingerly in my hands as I examined it, trying to figure out if what I was holding was real or not. It was Johnny's favorite knife. The blade was tinted red with dried blood I felt sick, dizzy, and amazed at the same time. Somehow, some amount of minutes later I found the strength in my legs to pull myself from the ground and walk over to the fountain. I dipped the knife into it and began to clean it. The water turned dirty and a little bit red, but I didn't care. I used my shirt to dried off the knife as I continued to stare at it.

* * *

_"What's this?" I asked as I picked up the knife from Johnny's dresser._

_"My favorite knife." Johnny beamed proudly at the blade I held in my hands._

_"What's it for?" I asked._

_"To protect myself."_

_"…Against daddy?"_

_Johnny shrugged as he took the knife from me._

_"Are you gonna kill daddy?" I continued to question him._

_Johnny's expression didn't change a bit as he looked at me and said, "Maybe some day."_

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I DONT OWN THE OUTSIDERS!

BUT JANICE IS MINE!

YAY JANICE!

SHE'S SO LUCKY!

* * *

A few minutes passed and I had now sat down in front of the fountain and leaned against it. I closed the knife and slid it into my pocket as my mind some how managed to stray from the hidden object I had just discovered. 

What was I going to do now? If I went home my father would definitely beat me senseless and I had just stormed out of the one place I might have been able to stay. I let out a groan of anger at myself. Johnny would know what to do, he usually did. He had always known just what to say after Father had beaten me, he knew just how to make everything alright. I looked up at the dark sky. The stars glittered around the brightly lit moon. My eyes began to sting a bit as the tears built up.

"Come on Johnny. Why'd you have to do it?" I began speaking to the sky, "Why'd you have to help those little kids? You could have come home and got me. _We_ could have run away, then I wouldn't be sitting here right now. We'd be safe some place else. I wouldn't be cryin' right now Johnny. I'd be smilin'. We both would Johnny. Aw man big brother, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what I should do. I need help. I need your help."

There of course was no reply to my words. Everything stayed as silent as could be. A small sob escaped me as I looked back down. My legs were pulled up to my chest and I rested my forehead on my knees as I continued to cry. I reached in my pocket and pulled out the knife so I could look at it once again. This was it, this was all that was left of my big brother. A stupid knife! Anger pulsed through me. If he had never had that knife then he never would have stabbed that kid, he never would have run from the cops, and he never would have saved those stupid little kids! If he had never had that knife then my brother would still be alive and I wouldn't be going through this right now!

"Once." I growled as I looked up at the sky again, my words now holding anger instead of sadness, "Did you once stop to think that you'd get killed?!? That'd you'd be leaving me behind while you went off to fly, and laugh, and be merry? It isn't fair Johnny! That's just not fair! You just left me like it was nothing! I bet you never once thought about me you big, stupid, jerk!"

"Shut up!" a voice called from one of the few houses that lined the street across from the park.

I fell silent momentarily I stood up from my seat then looked down at the knife.

"I hate you." I said, then once again put the knife into my pocket.

I ended up climbing the monkey bars and falling asleep on them that night. I was still crying when I fell asleep. Crying, and angry. It was around one in the morning when I had left Ponyboy's house, and needless to say I was tired. I could have slept the whole day, but I was awoken eventually by voices.

"I bet you ten cents she's dead."

"Nu-uh! She's breathing!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Uh-huh."

I opened my eyes and quickly sat up, looking around. Below me staring up was a group of children who all looked to be around the age of seven or eight.

"Told you she was alive!" a little girl said as she stuck her tongue out at a pouting boy.

Quickly I dropped down from the monkey bars and landed in front of the group of children.

"Um…hi." I said.

The children stayed silent.

"Alright…well…I'll be going now…" I trailed off as I began to back up slowly.

The children just stood there staring at me as I made a fool of my self. I turned quickly, stumbling momentarily before taking off at a run. Why I was running from the children I'm not sure. I just knew that I didn't want to be there. I came to a stop once I had hit the sidewalk of the street across from the park. My stomach gave a low growl as I continued to walk. How long had it been since I had last eaten? I had accidentally broken the cup on Tuesday so…It had been four days. Another growl could be heard and felt taking place in my stomach. I needed food. Mooching off the Curtis boys was out of the question, going home was out of the question, and I wasn't wearing something baggy enough to steal a few candy bars from the DX. I was out of luck…or so I thought.

As I slowly made my way down the street something caught my eye. A few yards down the street a woman, a man, and two children were getting into a car. Once they all were inside the car took off out of the driveway and down the street, leaving behind a house, with an open window.

"No." I said firmly, " I will not steal from that house. I will not break and enter. I will not-" My stomach gave another growl, this one was loudly, "Screw it."

I looked left, I looked right, I looked in front of me, and behind me. I looked through the neighbors window, and scanned the street for the mailman's truck. The place was deserted. I quickly walked to the open window. I used as much strength as I could muster to pull my self up to the window. My feet climbed up the side of the hose as I clung to the windowsill for dear life. I was still tired, and I was starving, so I obvious wasn't thinking clearly. This was proved when I pulled my self through the window head first. I fell to the hard wood floor and there was a loud bang. I laid there for a moment on my stomach and groaned a bit.

"Ouch." I said to myself.

My head throbbed from slamming on to the floor, and my legs gave a dull ach from the strength I had used to get up that wall. Why did the window have to be so damn tall? Realizing quickly that I shouldn't even be in there in the first place I quickly stood up and stood still for a minute until my dizzy spell passed. I then walked towards the nearest doorway.

Bingo! Kitchen! I walked to the fridge and pulled it open. Food! I couldn't help but smile. I looked around quickly. I needed a bag or something like that. One of the children must have a backpack . I turned from the refrigerator a bit reluctantly and set off to find the bedrooms.

The stairs were simple to find. They were in a hallway to the left of the kitchen. Quickly I climbed the stairs. There were four doors. The bathroom door was open, along with what was obviously a children's room. I went straight into the child's room. It was a mess! I sighed then began picking my way through the toys and coloring books that were scattered around the room. It wasn't until _at least_ ten minutes later that I finally found a black backpack buried underneath a pile of clothes. As I was about to go back down the stairs curiosity go the better of me and I opened up one of the two closed doors. It was a room painted a light pink color. Posters of unicorns and princesses decorated the walls. I stepped in and smiled a bit. This was my dream room when I was younger. It was colorful, and cheerful. Not like the small gloomy room I had back at home. I looked around at the delicate white furniture. There was a bed, a dresser, and a bookshelf in the room. On top of the bookshelf sat a little jar. There were a few dollar bills, but mostly change filled the jar almost to the top. Slowly I approached the bookshelf. I wanted that money, I needed that money, I was going to take that money. I swallowed hard as my hand touched the smooth glass of the jar. The lid was stuck on tight, and taped to the lid was a small picture. It looked like it had been cut out of an advertisement. It was a picture of a Barbie doll. I could almost feel my heart shattering as I unzipped the backpack and gently lifted the jar and placed it inside. I then quickly left the room, shutting the door behind me. I climbed down the stairs and went back to the kitchen. I opened up the fridge and looked inside. I needed to take something that could stay warm for a few days. The fridge probably wasn't the best place to look. I saw a few yogurts sitting on the top shelf. I put them in the already open backpack . I grabbed about five of the sodas that were in the fridge and put them in also.

My heart was beating quickly and I tried to listen for the car as it thumped against my ribs. I shoved a bag of potato chips in to the backpack about fifteen minutes later. I had found some spoons in a drawer, and also some loose change. Suddenly I heard a laughter. My quickly beating heart seemed to almost freeze. They were home. Whoever they were, they were home! I looked around the room quickly. What was I going to do? The sink above the kitchen window caught my eye. As quickly as I could I pushed it open and popped the screen out. The backpack was a bit heavy but I managed to climb up so my feet were in the sink. This time I went through the window feet first.

"Hey!" A lady screeched, "Charles! Charles! Quick! Somebody just climbed out the window!"

As soon as my feet hit the ground I took off at a run. I struggled over the fence around their backyard, and through somebody else's backyard. The sound of my footsteps soon met my ears as my feet hit cement. I was now on the sidewalk running down the street. I just had to get away, far away from that house, and pray that this just blew over. I'm not sure how long I was running. But eventually…I heard sirens. Loud, screeching, sirens. My hands were shaking and I kept looking over my shoulder. They were on the same street as me, and they were getting closer. I had slowed to a walk in hopes that if I acted normal, they might think I was normal. I tried to keep my footsteps steady and slow as I silently prayed that they just passed right by me. I had no such luck though and the police car slowed to a halt next to me. I continued to walk.

"Miss." said a man who stepped out of the car, his badge gleaming.

Acting as if I hadn't heard him I continued on my way.

"Miss." he said again.

That was it. I lost it. I took off at a sprint. As quick as my weak legs could carry me I ran all the while the officer was yelling after me.

"Janice! Stop!" he called.

Janice? How did he know my name?


	5. Chapter 5

I could hear the footsteps of the officer clicking behind me along the sidewalk. I ran as fast as I could, which was probably no match for his speed. Quickly I took a sharp turn into somebody's lawn. I slowed though when I came to a fence. I looked behind me and saw the officer growing closer. Quickly I grabbed onto the top and began to climb over it. I used most of my energy scrambling up the side of it, only to let my self fall onto the other side. I landed on my stomach and was momentarily winded before I scrambled to by feet and hurried away. When I reached the street once again I saw the officer had already hopped the fence. Quickly turned left and started down that street. I couldn't outrun him, if I kept doing what I was doing he would catch me for sure. But how was I supposed to outsmart a full grown man? My legs were getting weak and I felt like I was about to collapse, getting my brain working seemed impossible, but I had to do it. I had to think of something…

I glanced over my shoulder and saw the officer was getting closer. I quickly looked ahead of me just as I slammed into somebody.

"S- Sorry…sorry. " I said as I attempted to climb to my feet.

I had no such luck. My foot was tangled underneath their leg and my attempt sent me falling to the ground once again.

"Janice?" a familiar voice asked.

I gasped as I looked at the face of Ponyboy Curtis lying on the ground next to- or rather, below me. Quickly I pulled my foot loose and scrambled to my feet before glancing at the officer who was now a few yards away, then taking off at a run. I felt as if I were going to collapse. My lungs seemed to be taking in hardly any air, and the faster I breathed, the more lightheaded I became.

"Janice!" Ponyboy called, "Janice! Wait!"

I glanced over my shoulder do see Ponyboy running a bit ahead of the officer, and inching closer to me. Great. So now I had _two_ people chasing after me. Something inside of me wanted to stop for Ponyboy, probably because I knew I could trust him after he had stood up for me at the park. But then there was the fact that his tone hadn't been very pleasant. In fact, he sounded flat out angry. Like he was ready to argue. And that was the last thing I needed to deal with at the moment. I took a quick right turn into somebody's front yard and began to scramble up the dying tree. I don't know how I managed the energy to do it, but some how I made it to the point that I was level with one of the windows on the upper floor of the house. A large branch stretched forwards until it separated into smaller sections of twigs and dry, brown leaves that pressed against the window of the house. I looked behind me and saw that Ponyboy had already begun to climb the tree. The boy was quick, that wasn't too surprising though because I had seen him in track practice once as I walked home. He was good, really good. And I was a weak girl on the verge of struggling against starvation. I stifled a scream as I climbed out onto the outstretched branch and heard a crack. The branch was going to break. I looked behind me to see Ponyboy almost gracefully weaving his way up the tree that I had struggled to even get to the first branch of. Cautiously I placed one hand in front of the other and began to crawl across the branch, thankful that it started out so large, but I would have problems when I got to the end. I knew I would.

I found my thoughts to be true when the branch began to get thinner and I felt it sagging under my weight. I was so close though, I had to keep going, and I had to be quick. I was now seated on the branch, no longer crawling, but sliding. I could feel the hard rough bark scratching against my pants and beginning to tear a hole in them. Most girls wore skirts, very few went around in public dressed in jeans like the boys. But father never really approved of spending much money on me, or Johnny either when he was alive. So I had always gotten Johnny's hand-me-downs. As if walking around looking like a boy wasn't bad enough I got my mother's old bras, which were too big. I had to use hair clips and rubber bands to pull it tightly enough around me that it didn't fall off. I hated it, but I had always dealt with it. Johnny was never happy with my clothing situation though.

* * *

"I swear, as soon as I turn eighteen I'm taking you and leaving this town." Johnny said as he handed me a pair of pants that he had recently found no longer fit him.

"What? Johnny, no offense but you'll hardly be able to take care of yourself on your own. I'm not gonna burden you like that." I said, fourteen years old and convinced that my brother leaving this life behind was more important than me getting out of it.

"Are you crazy? I'd never leave you behind. Ever. Janice, I'd rather die then leave you with these…monsters. We're all we have." Johnny said as he laid a hand on my shoulder.

"No." I said as I shook my head sadly, "You have your friends. Really, you don't need me. I'd just drag you down. I'll get out of here eventually and-"

"But will you get out alive?"

That questioned stopped me where I was. I stared at him as I got to thinking. Would I get out alive? The beatings seemed to be getting worse everyday and the punishments were almost unbearable. A few days earlier Father had gone as far as to fill a bucket with bleach and hold my head in it for a few seconds at a time. He would pull me out and I would want to gasp for breath, but if I breathed in too much the bleach would get in my mouth, and I couldn't open my eyes or else the bleach would get in them too. When Father thought I was least expecting it he would shove my head back into the bucket and hold me there once again. He would repeat this until he thought I had had enough and I was begging him to let me go. That would be the last time I ever burnt meatloaf father forced me to cook for dinner. It wasn't as if it was completely blackened, just a little too dark around the edges. I had been cleaning the living room while it cooked and had forgotten about it for a bit too long. He had given me the bleach treatment once before when I was younger, but I still remembered it. Both times I had run to the bathroom just in time for my body to reject the foul substance that had dripped into my mouth for so long and I would kneel next to the toilet and throw up all I had eaten that day. Then father refused to let me eat for that night and the next day.

"…It doesn't matter." I said almost in a whisper.

"What? Why would you say that?" Johnny asked, genuinely concerned.

"Because,** I** don't matter. Johnny, you've got friends that care about you, and you get to go out, and have fun, meet girls. And I'm here. I'm always going to be here. I'm never going to get married, and by the time either of get out father will probably have beaten me to the point that I can't have kids. I'm never going to amount to anything. I'm dumb. But you're not Johnny. Your real smart. And your gonna get a good job, you could probably even get a scholarship if you try hard enough. And you'll be able to go away to collage. I'm not gonna do any of that. I'll never **actually** be anything. So live or die, it doesn't matter what happens to me."

"Are you serious? Janice, of course it matters what happens to you. It matters to **me**, I don't know what I'd do if you died. I'd probably kill myself. And where do you get off saying that you're not smart. You sure are smart, you could probably pass my classes" Johnny finished with a hint of a comforting smile towards me.

I smiled, but it was forced. He was just lying to make me feel better, I knew he was. I struggled to keep up a D average. There was no way I could pass Johnny's classes. He was two grades ahead of me. Eleventh grade! There wasn't a chance that I'd even be close to smart enough for that.

"Now come on." Johnny said suddenly, "You better get to bed before dad comes to check on us."

I nodded before I stood up from the bed.

"Goodnight Johnny."

"G'night Janice. I love you."

I gave a small nod before I pulled open the door and walked out of the room.

* * *

Finally I reached the window as I pushed aside the memories that tired to force their way into my mind. The branch gave another loud crack just as Ponyboy reached it. I gave a sigh of relief when I pushed the window upwards and found that it wasn't locked, painted shut, or stuck in any way. It slid up easily and I quickly pushed myself through it. I stood almost as soon as I hit the ground and turned to shut the window only to watch Ponyboy ease himself onto the branch only to have it give another loud crack and suddenly begin to fall, taking Ponyboy with it. I swallowed my guilt as I heard a boom, then his groan of pain before I pushed the window closed and began to look around the room I was in. My breath caught in my throat and I froze as I looked around. The bare white walls, the bed pushed against the wall, the rickety looking wood dresser. This was my room.

Panic coursed through me as I turned in a circle. I had been so worried about getting away from the police officer and Ponyboy I hadn't taken the time to realize where I was running. I had just run, and now I was in more trouble than before. Dad was at work, but if Mom saw me she wouldn't let me leave again. She'd keep me home and leave me for Dad to deal with. But I had to get out, or at least try to. So, I tiptoed to the door of my room, and peeked out of it before going into the hallway. I took the stairs even slower in order to avoid them creaking. It hardly helped though. I hoped that Mom was either gone, or just didn't hear it. I paused for a moment after each step to listen for the sound of her shoes clicking across the floor. But I never heard it. At one point I could hear a faint, consistent creak coming from down the stairs, and the closer I got to the last step, the more audible it became. I stepped off of the staircase and into the living room. I was shocked when I saw my mother sitting in the old rocking chair, moving slowly causing the wooden structure to make that creaking sound I had heard. Sniffles could be heard from her and she was holding something in her hands and staring at it. The creaking stopped as she paused in her rocking and reached over to the bottle of vodka that was set on the coffee table next to her. She raised the bottle to her lips and took a long drink from it before setting it down, and going back to staring at whatever she was holding. Timidly I walked closer, unsure of what I was doing. Before I knew it I was standing directly behind her as I raised my hand to lay it on her shoulder. Before I could though, there was a loud, startling knock on the front door. My mother jumped visibly before turning and gasping at the sight of me.

"J- Janice?" her slurred words came to me, "Is that you?"

"Yeah mom. It's me." I said softly.

The knocking came again, this time louder, almost sounding as if the front door were being kicked.

"You're home! The police found you! You came back!" she said happily.

"What? The police are looking for me?" I asked

"Of course. Your father-" Mom was interrupted by another loud knock on the door before she continued, "Your father called them and reported you missing a few hours after you left. He's really angry…"

That was it! That was how the officer knew my name! My father had told the police I was missing, so the police were looking for me. They obviously must have seen a picture of me, and that's how they knew what I looked like, and of course they'd have been told my name, and that's why he knew it! It all made sense.

"Oh…" There was more knocking so I said, "Mom, I have to go. I can't stay here."

"B- But-" she started, looking as if she were a confused child.

"I have to."

She stared for what seemed like forever. I stared back into her eyes which were red from the tears that dripped down her face which lead me to wonder why she had been crying. She stood from the rocking chair as she began to nod and set down what she had been holding.

"Go out the back door, that way nobody will see you." Mom said before she walked past me and out of the room to answer the door.

I watched her disappear around the doorframe before I walked to where she had set down whatever it was she was holding. Sitting on the coffee table was a small picture. A little boy and an even smaller girl stood smiling at the camera as they waved. The little girl had a black eye and a long scar ran up her arm. The boy's lip was a bit swollen and he also had a black eye. I stood there almost in awe. I hadn't seen that picture of Johnny and I since I was about eight years old.

"Really. There's nobody inside the house. It's just me. Can't a woman mourn in peace?" My mother's voice met my ears.

Quickly I stashed the picture in the backpack that I had almost forgotten I was carrying. If I hadn't had it though, the branch may have not started snapping while I was on it. It was the jar of money that had weighed me down so much. Quickly I zipped up the backpack and hurried out of the living room, past the stairs, and out the backdoor. I paused momentarily before I took off running as a thought crossed my mind. My mom. She was letting me leave again. Did that mean she cared? Or was she just too drunk to give a damn?


End file.
